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Getting Better For You
I don't usually write unless I have something strong on my mind that I need to share with others.
Meaning, I am not going to simply write something for the sake of taking up space. When I write here on Breezy Corner,
it is something that I feel is so important to your recovery, that you need to hear it. If it has happened in my life,
and I am learning from it, then so shall you. Here is my latest recovery lesson.
It is as simple as getting up every morning and looking in the mirror. The reflection you see
is the person to who you are most responsible. If the whole rest of the world were to disappear, that face staring back
at you would still be there. Take a close look at that reflection. It's you. You own that face. And
more importantly, you own the life--physical, emotional, circumstancial, and spiritual, that lives inside that body.
My recovery has been a see-saw ride at best. Sometimes, I am doing very well. Other times,
I struggle just to make it through the day. There are more kinds of those days than the good ones. Honestly, living
my life is overwhelmingly discouraging. There are times that I don't want to go on. Yes, there are times when
I wish I wasn't. I have to fight and fight with my thoughts to tread water sometimes. It is all I can do from
not hitting rock bottom.
Then comes the rest of the world. I am faced with negative people. I have been told to forget
having a life, because I wasn't going anywhere. I have been told by family members that they don't believe I am going
to ever lead a normal life. I have been told that I don't want to get well. That's the tip of the iceberg.
Many people, in essence, have given up on my recovery and have made it quite clear. Any of you that have gone through
this know that it is a cruel blow. When you are doing everything you can to convince yourself that you are going to
have a life someday, and someone comes along and tells you that you won't, you do want to throw in the towel. I admit,
sometimes I have caved to that pressure. I mean, if everyone else thinks it, what chance do I have?
WRONG. STOP IT RIGHT NOW. You need to make a conscious decision to stop
the thoughts and block the negativity. But, it can be done. And here's the reason why. We all have dreams.
I have many dreams for my life. I don't want to live the rest of my life being overtaken by this disease. I admit,
many times, the problem seems bigger than me. The disease seems more powerful than anything I could ever do in my life.
For that moment in time, it might be. However, our dreams need to be the motivation to keep us fighting and trying.
What is your dream? Close your eyes for a minute and picture what you want to be. Just think of yourself living
your dream. Take a look at yourself, and make a mental snapshot of it. Now open your eyes. How did seeing
yourself in the dream feel to you? I know that it felt good. I know you have a smile on your face, and you just
can't help but dream about what life will be like living out your dreams. So, how does it happen? It happens by
living for you!
LIVING FOR YOU
It might take you a very long time to get to the place that I did just recently. We are all at
different points in our recovery. As I said above, I was, and still have been, overwhelmingly discouraged, as we all
are. And there have been times where I have been so close to just giving up hope of a normal life that I could have
very easily done it. But I never, ever wanted to give up hope of someday having the life that I wanted. It was
what kept me going in the morning. And that is one of the keys to perservering: have a dream that keeps you going.
How good does it feel to you to get away to your dreams? It feels wonderful, I know. I often wander off into dreamland
to feel better. I know, and you know, that if we keeping working hard at getting better, that those far away dreams
can someday be reality. I would someday love to own my own business. That is one of the dreams that keeps me going.
I think of putting my mind to good use, earning money, and working hard at it. I think of myself dressed in a business
suit, meeting with customers, interacting, giving back to the community. If I didn't keep this dream, I would surely
feel like giving up. But I want to share something more.
YOU OWE IT TO YOUR DREAM
What does that mean, you might ask? Here's the whole key to what I am trying to convey to you.
When your motivation is all but gone, and your self-esteem is low, that's when you owe it to your dream to get better.
Sometimes, I don't want to get better for myself. I will admit that I don't even think sometimes I am worth the life
that I want to fight for. And that's exactly where my dreams come in. I say to myself "You might not even want
to get better for your own sake. But if you want to have a life again, keep going just for the dream". Our recovery
is not about getting better for what we are feeling today. It is about looking into the future, and holding onto it
with everything we have. It is because I know what I can have someday that gets me up in the morning. It is because
I want my dreams to be fulfilled that I work at overcoming my disorder. And when all other hope is gone, this is when
YOU OWE IT TO YOUR DREAM TO CARRY ON WITH YOUR RECOVERY. You go on because somewhere down the
road, your dreams will come true.
GETTING BETTER FOR YOU
I would like to finish by saying that even if you don't believe it at the time, you are getting better
for you. Remember, even though our feelings are intense (and at times overwhelming) it is our will more than anything
that will help us to overcome our challenges. Sometimes I say to myself "This is the depression talking, but I
know in my reasonable, logical mind that I don't feel this way." And believe it or not, you have that same realization.
You would not be here today if that was the case. We do owe it to ourselves to get better for us. Because even
though we may not feel like it, we are worth it!
You know, this was a very hard piece for me to write. It's almost like writing about some intangible
quality. I tried to explain best where I was coming from. All I can say to you is, do it for you and your dreams.
Do it for you when your emotions are telling you not to try anymore. There's no one else in this life but you that can
help you. Help you--you are worth it!
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Throughout the past few months, I wondered about how I would live a "normal" life again. I have
found myself with the mentality of "maybe I will just wake up one morning, and this will all be over". However, I thought
I would wake up with this magic "zap". I believed that somehow, I would be miraculously cured, that God would do some
miracle, and everything would be okay. But that's not reality: I have found that there are no magical formulas
or simplistic cures. What I have been observing, especially since the Olympics, that athletes TRAIN. When
an athlete desires excellence, they have to fight and work with every bone in their body to make their dreams come true.
There is no difference between an athlete, and those of us suffering with our isolating problems.
We are in training for LIFE, and the stakes are high. We are training for the ability to work,
attend school, shop, socialize, and form healthy relationships. Therefore, let us learn what we can from those remarkable
individuals. Here's what I have found that all athletes have in common, and how we can also implement those qualities
in our lives:
DEDICATION
More than anything, athletes are highly dedicated people. They make a commitment to a dream, and
make the decision to stay with it, through thick and thin. They know that their decision is a long-term goal, and will
not happen overnight. But, they make the effort and perservere, even when things look bad, or they have no energy left.
We need to find the same strength--it is especially difficult when dealing with the emotional aspects of our disorders.
But if we make the commitment that we are going to recover no matter what, we will succeed.
A DAILY COMMITMENT
Winning is a constant, rigourous effort. If we want to succeed in overcoming our obstacles, then
we must make a daily commitment to do what it is we need to do. Can a runner expect to hit top speeds if he or she only
practices once a week? Dedication to winning means daily training. We can't build our potential by only utilizing
it every now and then. We need to make a daily commitment to our recovery. That means if we need to practice being
amongst people, we do it on a daily basis. Or, if we are experiencing depression, we need to get out of bed every morning,
get dressed, and face the day. We are destined to fail if we do not work daily to overcome our obstacles.
EXPECTING AND RISING ABOVE DIFFICULTY
This is probably our biggest obstacle. It is very hard under normal circumstances to bounce back
from troubles. It is even harder when struggling with emotional issues. But we need to be realistic, and practical.
We are not going to win every day, just as every athlete does not win a competition. This year at the Olympics, Michelle
Kwan, a wonderful, talented, gracious skater, was favored to win a gold medal. Anyone familiar with Michelle knows what
an amazing athlete and person she is. She trained 4 years to come to the Olympics, only to have her dreams broken once
again. She literally fell during her program, but she STOPPED HERSELF, and got up again, drew energy
from the crowd, and finished her routine. And, she didn't win the gold medal. Does this mean she's not a winner?
By no means! It takes more courage and heart to stand back up after falling than to sit there. She DIDN'T
LET HER DOWNFALL SPIRAL OUT OF CONTROL. And that is another important lesson we need to learn about our journey.
Just because we have one bad day, or experience, we cannot let the problem get the best of us. We just get right back
the next day (or even the same day!)
DO IT FOR SOMEONE YOU LOVE
One of my favorite stories from these Olympics was the story of Jim Shea, 3rd generation Olympian.
His grandfather, Jack Shea, was killed foolishly by a drunk driver a few days before the Opening Ceremony. But Jim went
on anyway, competed, and won a gold medal! And the first thing he did when he won was take out a picture of his grandfather
and held it up for the camera. He let his love for his wonderful grandfather guide him. And that is one thing
we need to learn. If we don't even have it in us to work for ourselves anymore, let others be an inspiration.
It's a sad truth, but the truth. We can sometimes feel so low that we can't find our worth, and don't feel like trying.
But remember that person who would be cheering for you, waiting at the finish line to say "I am so proud of you!" Chances
are, there won't be just one person, but a group of wonderful people who love you and want the very best for you!
AND FINALLY...
Glory in your win! You will have victory, just like many other successful, wonderful people on
this earth. It may take some time, but as you grow stronger, you will be fine! And you will feel so much stronger
for training, being disciplined and LOVING YOURSELF enough to do it!
Best of luck as you train to be your very best and overcome your issues in life! You will WIN!!!!
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CityParkOnline wants you!
Breezy Corner is a member-input area. This is for you to share your thoughts about mental
disorder issues, or something inspirational that will encourage others. Send us your submissions! We can't wait
to use them! There are a few guidelines:
1.) Topics must be related to mental health, abuse, or disablity issues, and inspirational
readings.
2.) Writings should be in good taste--no foul language, strong biased opinions, racial comments
or personal attacks will be allowed.
3.) Politics can be addressed in factual matters (i.e.--the Supreme Court is hearing a mental healthy
parity case, Congress is voting on insurance coverage) but will not be a ground for political views or beliefs.
4.) Religious views are also welcome to be expressed in a positive manner. CityParkOnline
respects and supports each visitor's religion, and any religious writings will reflect our respect and support. This
means that you can write about personal things (i.e.--I feel God helped me, or my beliefs which encourage me are...).
However, any writings which demean other religions, or conversion attempts will not be allowed.
So let's hear from you! Send submissions to:
CityParkOnline
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